Why I Love Grunts

  Grunts are basically the minions of the Covenant race; they’re purpose is to die. There’s an entire game type named in their honor – Gruntpocolypse. They are also the cutest of all the Halo creatures. Not even the Moa can surpass the Grunt in cuteness.

  I think they’re about five feet tall and almost as wide. They wear masks and armor all the time. It seems to me that they throw themselves into harms way; they’re not that smart. Many times, I’ve seen them running at the players with grenades ready to explode.

  They’re adorable though. Why? Let’s start with the cute little popping sound their heads make when they’re hit. It sounds like a single kernel of popcorn popping, which is about what their brain would amount to. There’s a skull, I think it’s called Birthday Party, that will make a celebration cheering sound (the same one from Viva Piñata, in fact) when they’re shot in the head. It’s fun.

   Did I mention that they’re short, squatty little creatures? They’re movements are all stiff but they can aim their weapons without much effort. I love it when a whole group of them are together and Mike drives a Banshee or Warthog towards them. The way they scatter, the way they move as their running, they look like Ewok’s with arthritis*. Damn that’s cute.

  They have their own language too, although I’m pretty sure they speak whatever English they’ve picked up from the Spartans also. There’s been more than one occasion that I swear I’ve heard them say “oh shit” or call Mike “asshole” before he kills them. And their little voices are so croaky that it sounds silly. They’re like frog voices, if frogs had voices, blabbering gibberish and potty mouthing. Too cute.

  So Grunts, although a nuisance, and basically shunned from all societies, are adorable creatures. Their reckless behavior and poor genetic makeup makes them perfect candidates for the cutest species in the Halo Universe. What’s your favorite creature?

A Moa tries to outrun Mike in a Warthog

 *I know arthritis is a serious condition. I also know that neither Ewoks or Grunts are real creatures, therefore they could not suffer from arthritis. I apologize for any offense I may have caused.